But once again, here I am, feeling compelled to write. I completed my 40th state half marathon yesterday, and I just have so much I want to say. So many thoughts, so many feelings, so many stories that I want to get out - to immortalize in words on a page that nobody really reads. And precious few have any to do with the actual race I ran.
A 20-year-old dream came true this past weekend.
I met Dean Cain.
I don't know if I ever will be able to say/write those words without a part of me feeling like this is something out of a dream - that suddenly I will wake up, comfortably snuggled under my polka dot comforter, and realize that this never actually happened. That the hugs, the pictures, the ear kiss, and so many smiles are all part of a story that remains wholly contained within my subconscious.
I actually had that thought this morning, upon awakening. I was back in New Jersey, back in my bed, back in my reality where it seemed nothing had changed. I grabbed my phone off the dresser and quickly went to my photos. There it was. There was my most coveted picture - one of Dean and me and my newly autographed 40th state race medal.
This was real.
I can barely write those words without getting choked up over the magnitude of what this means to me. I know this must sound ridiculous. I feel that pretty soon I'm going to start sounding as out of touch with reality as some of my patients do. Or I'm going to come across as a crazy, celebrity stalker with a few too many screws loose. But neither of those is true (well, I'm hoping, anyway.)
I want so desperately to find the right words to express what this means to me, but I fear I never will. The true significance of this event in my life will likely only ever be known or understood by myself. But that's ok too. I didn't do this for anybody else.
My life was changed 20 years ago. September 12, 1993. Lois & Clark premiered on television. I didn't care. I was an 8-year-old girl. I cared about Barbies and taking care of my baby dolls and going roller skating. My parents, however, were interested in this new incarnation of the Superman legend. They watched every Sunday night. I remember asking them a couple of times to turn it off, to watch something else. I didn't want to watch a show about a superhero. Thankfully, they ignored me. Not having much else to do at the time (oh, the perils of being eight), I started watching it with them. It didn't take long. By the end of season 1, I had asked my parents to get my hair cut "like Lois Lane's" and purchased my first (of many) Superman shirts. By the time season 2 rolled around in the fall, I was already planning my Lois Lane Halloween costume. (And, I'm pretty sure the summer between seasons 2 and 3 - after the proposal - was the longest of my life...and the first and only time I wished for summer to pass more quickly.)
From then on, this was the hallmark of my childhood. I have often asked myself what it is that hooked me - what was so special about this show that 20 years later, after viewing every episode countless times, that it still gets to me. At any given moment, one has a remarkably good chance of finding Lois & Clark in my DVD player. Despite knowing every scene and having them mostly memorized, I have never stopped enjoying them. If possible, I think I enjoy them even more. What initially offered excitement and anticipation has now come to provide comfort, familiarity and stability. When the rest of my world is falling apart, Season's Greedings remains exactly the same as it was when I first watched it on television 19 years ago.
And, at the end of the day, I can count on good and evil being back in balance and love conquering all (paraphrased, of course, from H.G. Wells in Soul Mates). At least in Metropolis.
Lois & Clark provided me with entertainment, but it was also so much more than that. It gave me hope. It was the promise of love, of victory over evil, and of the ultimate goodness of mankind.
And Dean and Teri contributed mightily to the lore and to my love. They made these characters come alive. They were the heart and soul of Lois and Clark and breathed new life into them. I idolized them both from the beginning. It also didn't hurt that Dean is unbelievably gorgeous (and even more so in person - wowzers!), which helped propel him into First Crush status for me. I wrote to him when I about 10 or so, and he sent me back an autographed postcard of himself as Superman. It immediately became my most prized possession. I found a frame for it and slept with it under my pillow for the longest time. Then, around the time of the series end, it took the place of honor in the center of my newly created Superman Shrine, filled with my L&C poster, t-shirt, books, trading cards, and a few Superman action figures.
And now, 16 years since the finale, I still have my Superman Shrine, although it's grown significantly since then (and, not to mention, is scattered between two states). But now I have a new photo to take center stage - one of Dean hugging me. ME. Lowly, little ME got a hug from Dean Cain, from my Superman. Actually, I got a lot of hugs from Dean - so many that eventually I lost count. So many words come to mind when I think about that: amazing, incredible, fantastic, wonderful, awesome, super. But not one can come close to capturing the feeling I had in that moment and in all the moments I've reminisced since then.
It was perfect.
With all of the excitement and anticipation leading up to this past weekend, I would be remiss if I didn't also admit that there was a bit of hesitation as well. This was so important to me, and Dean has played an integral part in my life since I was eight. Eight! I had heard from many other fans who had already met him who shared how sweet and nice he is in real life, so I felt pretty confident that our meeting would go well. But I feel it's always a little scary to take this person who had previously existed to you only in unreachable media, whom you've placed on a pedestal for the vast majority of your life, and having him be there in front of you - flesh and blood, a real, living, breathing person, just like anyone else. I worried if it would ruin the magic of Lois & Clark for me. Would I still be able to enjoy my favorite show, if it turned out that the person who portrayed my hero turned out to be unkind, uncaring, or even a jerk?
Then I met Dean Cain, and all my fears dissipated. He is amazing. Truly, utterly amazing. I expected him to be nice, but I couldn't have expected him to be as incredibly sweet, interested, and down-to-earth as he was. Here I am - having flown from NJ to TN just to meet this hero of mine - and he made me feel like I was the hero. He made me feel that the honor and privilege I had in this meeting was equally shared by him. I left our interactions feeling as though I was special. That, to me, is pretty incredible and speaks volumes about Dean as a person. And that is when I realized that meeting him could never destroy the lore or the magic of Lois & Clark. Because, at the end of the day, he is Clark. He may not work for a major metropolitan newspaper or wear tights and a cape under his suits, but the very essence of Clark - his charm, his quiet strength, his humility, his kindness, his unwavering goodness - in reality emanates from Dean himself. I didn't think it was possible to love Lois & Clark any more than l already did, until now.
And I have Dean to thank for it.
When I was younger, I used to have all these incredible fantasies of meeting Dean and falling in love and riding off into the sunset together. Or maybe flying off into the sunset together. I mean, he is Superman, after all. And while a girl can dream, in reality, I couldn't be any happier with what I had the opportunity to experience this weekend. Dean and I talked for several minutes on a few different occasions (you know, when I wasn't acting like a bumbling idiot and giggling like a schoolgirl). We exchanged multiple hugs and an ear kiss (haha). We posed for a couple of pictures. And this means everything to me. Because, as crazy as it sounds, for those few minutes while I was wrapped in his arms, I meant something to him. Not necessarily much, but something. And that's really all I could have ever hoped for. Even if I never have the opportunity to say hello to him again or to get another hug (but oh God, I sure hope I do), I am content with the knowledge that for those few minutes in Nashville my life had even the smallest impact on his. My little life intersected briefly with that of someone I grew up loving and whose life has had the most profound impact on mine. And that means the world to me.
Dean, if by some crazy miracle, you are actually reading this (God help you), I really just want to say thank you. Those two little words are definitely not enough to express the depth of my gratitude, but it's all I have. Thank you for bringing magic and life into Lois & Clark and into my life. Thank you for giving me a wholesome hero to look up to and a life of service and goodness to emulate. Thank you for the many hugs, a kiss, a most special race medal, and several photographs that I will cherish for the rest of my life. Thank you for making me feel special. But mostly, thank you for being the wonderful person that you are. I hope our paths will one day cross again.
But, until then...
TeriDean4ever!
(haha)
