My 40th State (and so much more)

I think I just need to stop pretending that I am ever going to start writing in here regularly.  I really want to, but for some reason, it just never happens.  I get too busy with work, with running, with traveling, or whatever, and I forget about it for a few months.  Then something happens.  And I want to talk about it.  And I return to my trusty blog for a post, only to have it then disappear again into the background.  But such is life...

But once again, here I am, feeling compelled to write.  I completed my 40th state half marathon yesterday, and I just have so much I want to say.  So many thoughts, so many feelings, so many stories that I want to get out - to immortalize in words on a page that nobody really reads.  And precious few have any to do with the actual race I ran.

A 20-year-old dream came true this past weekend.

I met Dean Cain.

I don't know if I ever will be able to say/write those words without a part of me feeling like this is something out of a dream - that suddenly I will wake up, comfortably snuggled under my polka dot comforter, and realize that this never actually happened.  That the hugs, the pictures, the ear kiss, and so many smiles are all part of a story that remains wholly contained within my subconscious.  

I actually had that thought this morning, upon awakening.  I was back in New Jersey, back in my bed, back in my reality where it seemed nothing had changed.  I grabbed my phone off the dresser and quickly went to my photos.  There it was.  There was my most coveted picture - one of Dean and me and my newly autographed 40th state race medal.  

This was real. 

I can barely write those words without getting choked up over the magnitude of what this means to me.  I know this must sound ridiculous.  I feel that pretty soon I'm going to start sounding as out of touch with reality as some of my patients do.  Or I'm going to come across as a crazy, celebrity stalker with a few too many screws loose.  But neither of those is true (well, I'm hoping, anyway.)

I want so desperately to find the right words to express what this means to me, but I fear I never will.  The true significance of this event in my life will likely only ever be known or understood by myself.  But that's ok too.  I didn't do this for anybody else.  

My life was changed 20 years ago.  September 12, 1993.  Lois & Clark premiered on television.  I didn't care.  I was an 8-year-old girl.  I cared about Barbies and taking care of my baby dolls and going roller skating.  My parents, however, were interested in this new incarnation of the Superman legend.  They watched every Sunday night.  I remember asking them a couple of times to turn it off, to watch something else.  I didn't want to watch a show about a superhero.  Thankfully, they ignored me.  Not having much else to do at the time (oh, the perils of being eight), I started watching it with them.  It didn't take long.  By the end of season 1, I had asked my parents to get my hair cut "like Lois Lane's" and purchased my first (of many) Superman shirts.  By the time season 2 rolled around in the fall, I was already planning my Lois Lane Halloween costume.  (And, I'm pretty sure the summer between seasons 2 and 3 - after the proposal - was the longest of my life...and the first and only time I wished for summer to pass more quickly.)

From then on, this was the hallmark of my childhood.  I have often asked myself what it is that hooked me - what was so special about this show that 20 years later, after viewing every episode countless times, that it still gets to me.  At any given moment, one has a remarkably good chance of finding Lois & Clark in my DVD player.  Despite knowing every scene and having them mostly memorized, I have never stopped enjoying them.  If possible, I think I enjoy them even more.  What initially offered excitement and anticipation has now come to provide comfort, familiarity and stability.  When the rest of my world is falling apart, Season's Greedings remains exactly the same as it was when I first watched it on television 19 years ago.
And, at the end of the day, I can count on good and evil being back in balance and love conquering all (paraphrased, of course, from H.G. Wells in Soul Mates).  At least in Metropolis.

Lois & Clark provided me with entertainment, but it was also so much more than that.  It gave me hope.  It was the promise of love, of victory over evil, and of the ultimate goodness of mankind. 

And Dean and Teri contributed mightily to the lore and to my love.  They made these characters come alive.  They were the heart and soul of Lois and Clark and breathed new life into them.  I idolized them both from the beginning.  It also didn't hurt that Dean is unbelievably gorgeous (and even more so in person - wowzers!), which helped propel him into First Crush status for me.  I wrote to him when I about 10 or so, and he sent me back an autographed postcard of himself as Superman.  It immediately became my most prized possession.  I found a frame for it and slept with it under my pillow for the longest time.  Then, around the time of the series end, it took the place of honor in the center of my newly created Superman Shrine, filled with my L&C poster, t-shirt, books, trading cards, and a few Superman action figures.  

And now, 16 years since the finale, I still have my Superman Shrine, although it's grown significantly since then (and, not to mention, is scattered between two states).  But now I have a new photo to take center stage - one of Dean hugging me.  ME.  Lowly, little ME got a hug from Dean Cain, from my Superman.  Actually, I got a lot of hugs from Dean - so many that eventually I lost count.  So many words come to mind when I think about that: amazing, incredible, fantastic, wonderful, awesome, super.  But not one can come close to capturing the feeling I had in that moment and in all the moments I've reminisced since then.

It was perfect.

With all of the excitement and anticipation leading up to this past weekend, I would be remiss if I didn't also admit that there was a bit of hesitation as well.  This was so important to me, and Dean has played an integral part in my life since I was eight.  Eight!  I had heard from many other fans who had already met him who shared how sweet and nice he is in real life, so I felt pretty confident that our meeting would go well.  But I feel it's always a little scary to take this person who had previously existed to you only in unreachable media, whom you've placed on a pedestal for the vast majority of your life, and having him be there in front of you - flesh and blood, a real, living, breathing person, just like anyone else.  I worried if it would ruin the magic of Lois & Clark for me.  Would I still be able to enjoy my favorite show, if it turned out that the person who portrayed my hero turned out to be unkind, uncaring, or even a jerk?

Then I met Dean Cain, and all my fears dissipated.  He is amazing.  Truly, utterly amazing.  I expected him to be nice, but I couldn't have expected him to be as incredibly sweet, interested, and down-to-earth as he was.  Here I am - having flown from NJ to TN just to meet this hero of mine - and he made me feel like I was the hero.  He made me feel that the honor and privilege I had in this meeting was equally shared by him.  I left our interactions feeling as though I was special.  That, to me, is pretty incredible and speaks volumes about Dean as a person.  And that is when I realized that meeting him could never destroy the lore or the magic of Lois & Clark.  Because, at the end of the day, he is Clark.  He may not work for a major metropolitan newspaper or wear tights and a cape under his suits, but the very essence of Clark - his charm, his quiet strength, his humility, his kindness, his unwavering goodness - in reality emanates from Dean himself.  I didn't think it was possible to love Lois & Clark any more than l already did, until now.

And I have Dean to thank for it.

When I was younger, I used to have all these incredible fantasies of meeting Dean and falling in love and riding off into the sunset together.  Or maybe flying off into the sunset together.  I mean, he is Superman, after all.  And while a girl can dream, in reality, I couldn't be any happier with what I had the opportunity to experience this weekend.  Dean and I talked for several minutes on a few different occasions (you know, when I wasn't acting like a bumbling idiot and giggling like a schoolgirl).  We exchanged multiple hugs and an ear kiss (haha).  We posed for a couple of pictures.  And this means everything to me.  Because, as crazy as it sounds, for those few minutes while I was wrapped in his arms, I meant something to him.  Not necessarily much, but something.  And that's really all I could have ever hoped for.  Even if I never have the opportunity to say hello to him again or to get another hug (but oh God, I sure hope I do), I am content with the knowledge that for those few minutes in Nashville my life had even the smallest impact on his.  My little life intersected briefly with that of someone I grew up loving and whose life has had the most profound impact on mine.  And that means the world to me.

Dean, if by some crazy miracle, you are actually reading this (God help you), I really just want to say thank you.  Those two little words are definitely not enough to express the depth of my gratitude, but it's all I have.  Thank you for bringing magic and life into Lois & Clark and into my life.  Thank you for giving me a wholesome hero to look up to and a life of service and goodness to emulate.  Thank you for the many hugs, a kiss, a most special race medal, and several photographs that I will cherish for the rest of my life.  Thank you for making me feel special.  But mostly, thank you for being the wonderful person that you are.  I hope our paths will one day cross again.  

But, until then...

TeriDean4ever!  

(haha)

Clearly I'm not any good at keeping up with my blog and posting when I say I will.  I think this is my 4th time I've started (restarted, actually, I guess) trying to write in here regularly.  Part of the problem lately has been that I've waited so long, I have no idea where to start!  I still don't really know where to go with this, but figured I needed to start writing something, or I'd never come back to this thing.

There's been a lot that I've wanted to write about recently, and I hope that now that I've restarted my blog again, maybe this will be the outlet that I've been looking for.  Running, of course, has essentially consumed my life, and I never tire of talking about it.  However, my family and friends most definitely have tired of listening to endless race reports and race schedule planning sessions.  So perhaps I will turn to my trusty blog instead!

So very much has happened since I last wrote in here.  Last time I wrote was July 2012 - I was at the very beginning of my PGY-2 year and had just recently returned from my June trip of the Northwest.  Now, I am approaching the END of my PGY-2 year and looking forward to starting my psychotherapy PGY-3 year in just a little over a month and a half.  I still can't believe I'm almost a PGY-3.  Where has the time gone?

PGY-3, while a little terrifying due to it being unchartered territory for me in psychiatry, should be a wonderful blessing for my race schedule and running life.  I will have approximately 6 24-hr buddy calls, which should all fall on weekdays (and Friday).  Aside from a few weeks of pinch scattered throughout the year where I might get called in for back-up, I should have every weekend free!  This opens up a whole new world of possibilities for me.  I am so very excited!

But before I get too carried away talking about all the things I want to do, maybe I should mention what's been going on since I last wrote.  I am now up to 31 states and DC done.  31 states!  I can barely believe it myself.  It seems like not long ago this challenge was just a twinkling in my eye, and now I'm coming up on the end.  Well, not quite the end, but it's getting pretty close.  It's close enough that I'm starting to plan my 50th state half marathon and how I want to celebrate the completion of my challenge.  I've already picked out a running skirt and headgear to wear for my final state.  It's starting to feel like a reality!

But I'm gonna try not to go too crazy talking about state #50.   I still have a good number of states to go first.  And lately, I've been working on another challenge I set for myself.  I've been a member of Half Fanatics (a running group for people who are pretty crazy about running half marathons) since last summer.  And last November, I did something that a couple short years ago, I never would have thought I would do: I ran another full marathon.  My first marathon in almost a decade!  It was an incredible experience.  I came in at 5:17:xx, which was a ways off from my PR set when I was 17 (4:56:17), but not my slowest marathon either.  But just finishing felt like an unbelievable accomplishment for me.  While the half is definitely still my favorite race distance, I just can't stay away from the marathon!  So, this month, I have challenged myself to qualify for the Half Fanatics' sister group, the Marathon Maniacs.  To do this I am running marathons on back-to-back weekends - something I NEVER thought I'd be able to do.  The first of the two races was this past Sunday.  I ran the New Jersey Marathon on the Jersey Shore.  Training for marathons is still very difficult for me, as my schedule is pretty hectic, and I'm pretty slow...which means 20+ mile training runs take half of a day!  But I set out Sunday to just have fun and finish.  I was having a fantastic race, cruising along at 4:33 pace, which was absolutely beyond my wildest dreams.  I was still feeling good and was starting to pick up the pace a bit, and at mile 16.5, I fell.  Hard.  I hurt both knees and both hands.  A couple guys carried me off the course, and EMTs checked me out.  Nothing was seriously injured - I was just banged up pretty bad.  They offered to drive me back to the finish, but I told them I wanted to keep going.  I felt so defeated...not to mention completely overwhelmed by the possibility of having to walk the next almost 10 miles on hurt knees just to finish.  Just as I had gotten up from the curb and rejoined the race, a nice runner named Scott came by.  We'd been kind of leap-frogging for the past 16 miles.  I told him about my fall, and he offered to walk with me for a few minutes.  I hobbled along, wincing with almost every step.  We talked and swapped stories - he is such a nice and amazing guy!  After a few minutes of walking, he asked if I wanted to try jogging.  Honestly, I didn't.  Walking still hurt.  But he was so encouraging that I wanted to give it a try.  So I did.  I found that I could actually jog.  It wasn't super fast, but it definitely beat my walking pace!  When he went back to his walk intervals a little while later, I kept going.  I was too afraid to walk for fear that I wouldn't be able to start running again!  So I kept at it as best I could for the rest of the race.  It was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life.  But I finished!  And I crossed the finish line in 4:54:47...a 1.5-minute PR!  And 23 minutes faster than I ran my marathon in November!  Setting a new PR was something I thought was a long-shot, but might be a slight possibility if I had a terrific racing day.  And instead, I suffered a bad fall and ran the last 10 miles injured, and I still managed to PR!  I don't think the smile has left my face all week. :)

But my knees are doing better now, thankfully, and I'm heading to Delaware in the morning for the next race in this little challenge.  I don't think any PRs are in my future this weekend, but as long as I can finish, enjoy myself, and avoid another fall, I'll be satisfied!  And once I finish this quest, I'll get back to posting about my original challenge and my upcoming states.  I've got a lot to look forward to! :-)

So obviously, I didn't quite follow through with keeping this blog up-to-date since the last post.  My rotations (and life in general!) have been absolutely crazy.  Plus, whatever free time I've been able to get, I've been traveling and running races, which further limits my ability to post about them.  Awful, vicious cycle. ;)

But to do a quick rundown of all that's happened since my last post:
-I finished my intern year - hooray!  Unfortunately, that means that now I am able to do >24 calls/shifts when previously I was limited to 16 hours.  Already had two 24-hr shifts this week - not much fun!  Plus, my new rotation is quite time-intensive, which is severely limiting my running.  And I'm on Saturday call every other weekend and on back-up call (no traveling!) one of my two weekends "off."  So, my racing is basically on hold at this point.  I was considering traveling to Vermont this weekend (my one weekend off) for a half, but I am just too exhausted.  It looks like my next race then won't be until August.  Bummer.

-I've finished 4 more states:  I ran the Rite Aid Cleveland Half Marathon on 5/20.  Then, my boyfriend and I spent my June vacation weekend exploring the northwest US.  I ran the Casper Half in Wyoming on 6/3, then the Governor's Cup Half in Helena, Montana on 6/9, and finally the St. Joe's River Half in St. Maries, ID on 6/10.  It was a LOT of driving, but totally worth it.  Even found a little time to fit in Mt. Rushmore and Yellowstone National Park for a completely amazing vacation.  

-Unfortunately, my 3 races in June were my worst 3 half marathon times ever.  Granted, I have to factor in altitude (I was not acclimated at all), some pretty intense climbs (in Montana, I climbed a mountain!), and some pretty nasty weather...but it was still pretty disappointing to have fallen so far downhill from where I started.  That's not the way it's supposed to be.  I think the disappointment has caused me to question my love of running entirely.  It's been unbelievably hard to get myself out the door to go for a run since returning from my June trip.

-In response to my lack of motivation/desire to run lately, I started a new challenge for myself a couple of weeks ago:  to run every day.  Due to my crazy schedule, every day is actually not possible.  But I at least wanted to run every day where I had the opportunity to.  It didn't have to be far or fast.  The only requirements I set for myself were that I actually run and that I go at least 1 mile.  So far, I think it's been helping.  I've been remarkably good at getting myself out the door to run.  Aside from call days where I don't have an opportunity to run, I've only skipped 1 running day - and that's because I was sick.  However, I haven't been very good at getting myself to go longer than my required 1 mile.  The most I've done is a little over 2 miles a few times.  Part of this is due to the ridiculous heat right now.  It's incredibly hard to get myself out the door to run after a long day at work - and it's even harder to get myself to keep running longer in 95-degree weather.  But I keep telling myself that 1 mile is better than nothing.  And I'm trying to think of new ways to motivate myself to go on longer runs.  Hope I can figure something out. ;)

Anyway, I'm currently post-call and still have a lot of stuff I need to do before heading back to work in the morning.  I hope maybe I can set a new challenge for myself about posting in here more regularly.  It's such a good release for me, and I would love to have a record of my running journey...I'm gonna try to find the time!

And I mean it this time. ;)

Catching up

It's been a super long time since I last posted in here.  I, unfortunately, started some rough rotations since beginning this blog, which have severely limited my free time and hence, my blog posts.  But even worse than not having enough time to blog is not having enough time to run!  I did not get a chance to run a half marathon (or any race, for that matter) in the entire month of April.  It was torture!

I'm at least done with my worst rotation now.  I'm on one that's slightly better in terms of hours, and I now have some weekends off, which I didn't have at all in April.  So, naturally, I'm back at my running.  Just finished half #18 (state #14) yesterday.  I originally planned to devote a blog post to each of my half marathons as a sort of race recap/review.  But, given my limited time right now, I'm going to have to settle for quick mentions.

Going backwards to March...

                        Half #15, State #11: Cherry Point Half Marathon, Havelock, NC
                                                              3/24/12 

                          Half #16, State #12: Caesar Rodney Half Marathon, Wilmington, DE
                                                               3/25/12

                        Half #17, State #13: Cox Providence Half Marathon, Providence, RI
                                                               5/6/12 

                Half #18, State #14: Western Mass. Mother's Day Half Marathon, Whately, MA 
                                                                5/13/12 

I have a lot I want to write about, but don't have the time right now.  I'll try to keep up with this a little better so I don't fall so far behind again, but we'll see how it goes.  For now, though, it's time for a little rest and sleep before getting back to work again in the morning. :)

Redemption

It's been a little while since I last posted in here.  I've been crazy busy - mostly with running and traveling.  On St. Patrick's Day, I made the trip home to Virginia to start my vacation week.  I hadn't been home or seen my parents since New Year's, so I was really excited to head back to Virginia.  Plus, the very next day was the Shamrock Half Marathon - a pretty big event back home.  I ran the Shamrock Marathon back in high school, but never tried the half marathon before.  Since I was gonna be home anyway, I figured, why not?  I'm not one to turn down a half marathon. :)

But I was super nervous about my IT band since it started acting up at the Miles for Music 20K.  I rested it for a few days following the 20K and then did a short 2-mile run a couple days before Shamrock without any issues.  I hadn't had any pain in several days, so I decided to go ahead and give Shamrock a try.

So glad I did.

It was a really fun race - great crowd support and a nice, flat course.  And, best of all, I set a new PR!  This was just what I needed.  I'd been feeling pretty down about running due to a not-so-great race at the Mercedes Half, followed by a very disappointing 20K.  Now I'm mainly just running for enjoyment, so time is not a huge concern for me most of the time.  But I was starting to feel pretty discouraged that I just kept getting slower despite running more.

This was a great victory for me.  It totally reinvigorated me and reaffirmed my love for running - just what I needed!  Granted, I didn't PR by a whole lot.  My previous PR was 2:06:12 set at the Norfolk Freedom Half Marathon in November.  My official time for Shamrock was 2:05:21, but my Garmin time was 2:05:08.  I had to stop to tie my shoe around mile 8, and I paused Garmin.  Now I'm not sure which time I should count as my new PR.  Big, big problems, of course. ;)  Either way, it's still a PR, and I'm super happy about it.

   Post-Shamrock Half: yes, I ran with a tiara and wand.

PLUS, no IT band pain!  It was amazing.  Things really couldn't have gone much better for this race.  We had great weather, a nice course, fantastic support, and absolutely incredible finisher premiums - a gorgeous medal, hooded finisher sweatshirt, and finisher hat!  Throw in a PR to boot, and this is about as close to perfection as I can imagine. :)
  
And it was a great motivator for my double the very next weekend...but I'll save that for another post. :) 

Miles for Music

 
My finisher dog-tag from the 1-miler :)

Well, I had another race today, but not a half marathon, unfortunately.  I did the Miles for Music 20K and 1-miler that took place this morning not too far from where I live.  

It went horribly.

I want to point out, however, that the horrible experience I had today was in no way related to the quality of this event.  It was actually a pretty organized, well-put-together race, especially for an inaugural run.  Parking was made easy and accessible.  Packet pick-up was available race morning and was a breeze.  There were more than enough water/gatorade stations, lots of people directing runners on the course, and yummy post-race food (the soft pretzels were AMAZING!).  [Although, I think a finisher's medal would have been a nice touch, but that could just be cause I love bling. ;)]

I wasn't sure about running this race when I first heard about it.  I have a half marathon a week from today and two more the following weekend.  This wasn't a half.  It wasn't a new state.  There was no bling.  And it would result in not being able to sleep in on my day off this weekend.  But I decided it might be a good idea to use this race as a sort of training run for my half next weekend.  

The race started off pretty well.  I maintained a pretty good pace (well, good pace for me) for about the first 6 miles.  I haven't been able to run since my last half two weeks ago, so I was excited that I was running at such a pace without feeling too much fatigue.  But then the trouble started - my IT band became unhappy and made sure I knew it.  By mile 7, I seriously considered walking off the course (something I have NEVER done before).  The pain kept getting worse.  I eventually did finish, but it took a LOT of walking in the last 5.5 miles, and even then, it still hurt. 

My time was pitiful.  I've been too embarrassed to even tell anyone else.  My only 20K time was worse than most of my half marathons.  Not cool.  

I've actually been pretty bummed about the whole experience all day.  I generally love running races because even if I don't do anything else that day, I still feel like I accomplished something.  And today, I didn't.  I wasn't expecting to shatter any of my speed records today, but I was hoping to at least do reasonably well.  It doesn't help that I had a poor performance at the last half I raced too.  Plus, I've been really worried about my IT band.  I had similar problems with it back in May and had to miss a half marathon.  With 3 half marathons coming up in the next two weeks (and two new states), I'm a little scared.  Getting this injured over a race that isn't a half and doesn't help me with my challenge just seemed like a giant waste.

But I'm trying to look at the situation in a better light this evening.  My IT band is already starting to feel a little better.  Still quite painful, and I'm still worried, but I at least have some hope that I'll be able to run next weekend.  And as for my disappointment about my terrible finishing time, I'm trying to put it in perspective.  I was in significant pain for almost half of the race.  I had to walk more than I ever have before.  I can't expect to have a stellar time.  

I'm trying to be proud of what I did accomplish today:  I completed a 20K, and then right after, did a 1-miler...in significant pain.  While it may not be the smartest idea to continue to run through the pain, I guess I have to give myself some credit for persevering and finishing.  And I guess it's pretty amazing that I made it out there at all.  I worked a late shift in the ED last night, and then with the Daylight Saving Time, I lost an hour of sleep.  I gave up sleeping in on my one day off this weekend to run 13.4 miles.  And it wasn't for a medal.  Or a new state.  Or a PR.  It was for the love of running.  I don't think I would've done that a year ago today.  And I did it without having run in two weeks.  I'm proud of myself that I have the ability to just randomly wake up and run over 13 miles.  That's not easy.  And even though I haven't done super well in my last couple of races, I got out there.  And I finished.  And that's what really matters.

I'm gonna try to stay positive.  And try to get my IT band better.  I guess that's all I can do for now. :)

Hello!

I started this blog as a way to capture my experiences and track my progress on my current challenge: to finish a half marathon in all 50 states (plus DC) by the time I'm an attending.  But first, I guess, I should tell you a little bit about me.  

I'm Amy, and I'm currently in my first year (otherwise known as my intern year) in a psychiatry residency program in New Jersey.  I'm originally from Norfolk, Virginia and lived there up until I graduated from medical school in May 2011.  I started running back in high school and did pretty well competing on my school's cross-country and track teams.  However, by the end of the college, I had pretty much fallen out of the running habit.  By my 3rd year of medical school I could count the number of times I had run in the last 3 years on one hand (and still have fingers left over!).  In my fourth year, I found myself with more free time than I'd had in ages and no ideas on how to fill it.  I remembered how much I used to love running in high school and thought that maybe I could enjoy it once again.  In January 2011, spurred on by one of new favorite books (The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin), I registered for my first half marathon.  I finished my first half on April 9, 2011, and my addiction was born!

I originally just started running whatever half marathon I could feasibly get to, but after finishing my 6th half marathon in October, I realized that I had run 5 of my 6 half marathons in different states.  After sharing this tidbit with my boyfriend, he asked me if I was trying for all 50.  I laughed and shrugged it off - what a crazy idea!  But I couldn't get the idea out of my head.  A few days later, I finally made up my mind to do just that - but I wanted to make it even more interesting.  I decided to attempt to run a half marathon in all 50 states and DC by the time I'm an attending.  For those not in the medical field, that means once I finish my residency/fellowship training and am able to practice medicine completely independently.  Right now, this means July 2015 at the earliest or July 2016 if I pursue fellowship.  

As of now, I have completed 10 states (in order of completion):  Virginia, South Carolina, New Jersey, Connecticut, New York, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Texas, Alabama, and Florida.  And I already have several more planned.  This is the story of my journey (and whatever other random things pop into my head!) on what I hope will be the challenge of a lifetime.  I hope you'll join me!